Why is it that People that get angry think that, "Cursing" someone out is actually doing something? I mean I don't want to make this a black and white thing because people of all colors curse one another out. But I've been dealing with my soul sisthas for many years and I do notice that Most seem to want to Curse you out and roll the Neck and get that point across and think they actually hurt someone feelings. hahaha!! That's funny to me because most of us guys tune it out anyway but why do people think literally cursing someone out is doing something? How intelligent is that? Plus I'm trying to take a vow to stop cursing coming out of my mouth anyway but to just Curse someone out because you don't get your way is Ignorant in my opinion. What do you think? When is it Necessary if Necessary at all?
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68 comments:
This topic must've struck a nerve no one wants to talk about it? Okay well Curse me out then!
I used to think that telling someone off was a form of "power" and very necessary, until I met a person or two who had a necks that were more double-jointed than mine (lol) & thought quicker on their feet. Not one to back down, me & 1 person went back and forth like a frickin' tennis match, until I realized it was pointless! She thought what she thought & as did I. In the end, it was a true waste of time AND energy. I now sit back and watch someone make a total ass of him/herself by arguing alone! ...ain't gettin my blood pressha up hunny!
yea I always thought that Females that Curse someone out was Ghetto and then we have the whole stereotype of black women but soon as I think it's ONLY a stereotype, "Boom" someone shows me different. So Now I say Ignorant black women and then there's Intelligent.
Now me personally I'm not really going to argue with you period because I'm too grown for that. What I am going to do is make it short and make you feel stupid. I'm going to state my point as articulately as possible and make you feel just as dumb as you out to feel minus the neck rolling. why spend my time yelling and cursing for one because I'm a lady and 2 because I have wayyyy too much class to get the ghetto on..I can intelligently let you have! And that I will do
Ghetto is such a stereotype. Some people just speak w/out thinking... high class/low class/no class! Either way it often comes across as being just plain ignorant.
well i do think that at times us women can be a bit attitudish truth be told...however i do believe that at times some of that aggression is necessary because when we talk to our men some of them don't seem to respect or even consider the fact of what we're saying might actually make some sense. At times it may appear to you all as we're just asking dumb questions or you're not taking us seriously because "you just didn't believe that we would do that..in those cases a lil aggression may be necessary so that we are equally heard....
i myself have done a lil of that here and there......
Now raven I'm feeling you on that one and I'm going to ask you to quit changing your picture LOL just kidding I'm not hating.
Lol.... I know right? Who knew it would change right in the middle of the conversation?
Okay so somebody tell me how to upload my picture onto here?
@hindsight create your own lil blog..
Now as for Babydoll you saying showing a little aggression is good at times right? Now does that consist of Cursing someone out?
Wow focus now that wasn't nice LOLOL
HU? what wasn't nice hindsight? Me asking you to create your own blog? NO I'm saying to put your picture up I think you have to do that..
OOOOOOOO LOLOLOLOL
I'm not saying that cursing someone out is necessary all the time but there are times when your "heated" communication may call for it and at that time it's necessary...not for everyday chat,chat,chitter...ya kno
but when the occassion calls for it you need to handle your business be it man or woman..
sometimes we as woman have it coming to us too if we're being honest....it's not all on the men..but most of it though....lol
I totally agree with Baby Doll. It is already said that black PEOPLE act indignent so when we go to cursing them out, they be like see. So no, I do not try to help prove that stereotype to be true. I look very young and dress rather flashy so just imagine how I leave them looking after a heated debate with me,,, Dumb founded because I intelligently get my point across without using one swear word or ignorant one for that matter.. I'm always the lady so I try NEVER argue in public period,, now every blue moon I'm caught slippin...
Now when it comes to close family and my Man, yes, sometimes I have to get a lil indignent. They take you for a joke if you don't.. You are considered a push over. Now when I shoot my kids this look or start yelling, you should see how fast they move.. Until then, they ignore me.. My man, man men claim not to like an aggressive sometimnes indignent Woman cause I'm always a woman first, but please I think they get a hard on when we do.. Hahahahah,, but I'm serious..
Ummm well some of those men might but if a female is literally cursing me out and calling me all kinds of 4 letter words and what not that is not sexy to me. I think there should not be a time to Curse someone out with the chicken neck going on.. I thought people curse for lack of Better words to use?
Now even when it comes to my man there have been a couple and I do mean very few times I have cursed him out but for the most part I let him do all the yelling and I sit back and say are you done now, because I know that pisses him off, he's yelling and sweating etc... and I'm kicking back flipping through channels or for that matter I will just leave.. I refuse to sit up and argue with some ignorant fool, just because your blood pressure is up you won't get mine up and I don't let anyone have that much power over me as to take me verbally or mentally to a place that I don't want to go, now when your done spittin and cursing then we can sit down like 2 adults and have a conversation or I will leave you standing there spitting and cursing while I'm out having a few drinks and a good time... I think I just had a flash back while typing this I almost got mad LOLOL just kidding
I'm not trying to be sexy. So tell me this Focus, why must we as women always do right while men are out here doing whatever. I'm mean it when I say this, most problems in relationships stem from MEN. We women are always talking bout, oh this poor man not thinking about all of the havic he's put on her. It doesn't make a difference whether we are talking to ya'll or cursing ya'll out, ya'll still don't pay us no attention. We just get so frustated, cursing is the only thing that we can do.
Let you get into a fight, I bet you don't use proper grammer to get your point across. When ya'll get angry wit us, ya'll have No problem with calling us out of our names and belittling us. Somehow, that just never count,, it only count when we do it cause it's not lady like... Please...
True Hindsight, I have also grown to where I don't do as much cursing out as I use to allow HIM to do all of the yelling,,, but peep this,, he gets mad when I don't yell back with him.. Talking bout I'm ignoring him. Men are VERY prideful so no matter what you do or say, they are going to do what they want. Therefore, sometimes it feels great to curse his but out. Now if I could get a man to communicate properly, I wouldn't have half the problems I have. You can't get too many of them to do that,, there are a few...
@nose ummm you actually think that most of the problems in a relationship is because of a man? Wow great way to not accept responsibility and point blame.. You sound like you must be right most of the time type person..
Nose Wideopen I do agree with you very true, very true, I know for example mine would leave whenever he wanted and come back when he wanted but the minute I said something it was "I'm a grown man, quit nagging me," Now that I make the decision to get out it's where are you going, I'm like Uh no "I"m a grown woman," Also I must say since I don't argue he always wonders what I"m thinking, but I will say when I have gone off on him he wanted to make it seem like I'm alwayyyyysss going off.. Give me a break. I look at it like this they can dish it out but can't take it.....THE ONE THING I DO KNOW THOUGH IF I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ELSE, I'M A LADY BUT I WILL MAN UP WITH THE BEST OF THEM
I think getting into a fight in the streets is not a time one is using intelligence anyway but it happens.
I'm still laughing at how most of the time it's the Mans fault in a relationship. hahaha!! Man O Man I might have to blog on that but then again why?
Hahahahaha, I feel you 100 on that Hindsight. I'm a classy lady, but please don't get it twisted and take me there.
Focus, you don't have to be out in the streets, shoot I know enough men who don't use intelligence in their relationships. He can be the smartest man, the most charming man out in public and the most understanding of someone elses problems, but can't understand nothing his woman is saying.. Selective!!!
I'm not saying most of the time it's the man's fault. Men and women both have to understand that we hear things differently. What you should blog on is men are from mars and women from venus.
We need to learn to listen to one another
What do you mean Focus, but then again why? And is there something you wanted to say about that comment I made. Now you know this is true. We women have issues too, but most of the time they are steming from their man's issues.
I think I suggested that topic to you too Focus, about a month ago. It's so very true, just like that movie, 2 can Play dat Game... Vivica was no joke, neither was Anthony Anderson. End the end, they taught one another how to COMPROMISE!!!!!!!!!!
wow that's something!!@nose you sound like men are the cause for most of the mess and women are every now and then mess up. You gotta be fooling yourself because a lot of stuff could be squash if some chicken neck women just plain and simple "Shut up!"
Hahahahaha, Focus, that sounds about right coming from man.. Women are to be seen and not heard!! My point exactly. No matter how we say it, ya'll don't want to hear it!!!
This west coast time has me comin in late on this one...
Truth - I have cussed a man out so bad his CHILDRENS children will feel that heat years from now. It was a tongue lashing to end all tongue lashings.
Truth - In that instance I would do it again, BUT I don't give two shakes if he thought it was sexy or not. I TRIED to use my words and speak to him respectfully and he couldn't "hear" me. Got him with a couple of expletives and we were on the same page.
I definitely try not to curse at ANYONE because it is disrespectful. It is not an intelligence vs. ignorance thing for me, it is a respect issue. I don’t want anyone cursing at me, so I try to return the favor.
Women are to be seen not heard?? hahaha!! I'd go get a butler for that but I'm just replying to your "Men are the main reason for the problems in a relationship" That comment alone shows so much into the pain you might be dealing with.
Well what I'm reading here helps me to understand that the Level of Ignorance of the person you were dealing with couldn't understand the intelligent way you were digging into him so you had to Drop to his level and speak ignorant to help him understand. Hmmmm okay.
Hahahahaha,, once agian Focus, you got jokes. No I'm not in any pain because I have learned to nip it in the butt. I know who I am: aggressive, opinionated and out spoken, not saying these characteristics are bad, but most men can't handle them because they can't handle the truth. I'm not always going to tell my man what he wants to hear. However, I am also caring, compassionate and will stand beside my man at all times. Now it's easy for a man to deal with the these characteristics, so they over look them and Focus (hahahah) on the bad.
I'm at a point in my life where I make wiser choices so I don't have to live a life of Misery!!
@nose: I really think women that are opinionate, outspoken and aggressive are great when they know when to use it. Also know when to not always have their (nose so wideopen) to their own self glory they don't know when not to challenge a man and know when to "shut up" and not have the last word all the time.
Hahahahah, another Good one Focus,, However, isn't someone saying shut-up disrespectful in itself.. You should always talk things thru something men aren't good at so they like for us to just Shut-up. I want my man to respect my perspective even if he doesn't agree with me. Why is the woman always suppose to just be quiet??
There's no self glory going on here.. I tell the good and the bad because I know that I'm not perfect or right all the time.. I do know how to utilize my skills to the best of my ability so I don't waste them on men who will never understand them..
@nose (again) The whole "I want my man to respect my perspective even if he doesn't agree with me. Why is the woman always suppose to just be quiet??" Because sometimes until things cool down between you and this other person everything you saying trying make someone respect your PERSPECTIVE" is Nagging!! nag nag nag nag nag blah blah blah blah I'm stupid blah blah blah YOU ain't nothing blah blah blah Nag.. hahahaha!
When things cool down he always says, it's in the past I don't want to talk about it.. So please don't give me that. However, I actually told my man that today when we were having a heated discussion. I told him to give me an hour to cool down. So yes, arguing is NOT always the best way to handle the situation.. I do agree with you on that because we know that's all ya'll hear,, well this is until we've left ya'll then ya'll heard everything we said, yelling or not... Then ya'll want to talk about it. When we've moved on to the next
And Focus, I shouldn't have to Make him respect my perspective, he should want to respect them because I respect his. Now we can always agree to disagree, meaning I'm not trying to make him agree with me. That's the Pride thing with men I was talking about, because they feel women are trying to Demand them to do something, they aren't going to do it out of Spite. How dare she, she don't run nothing. Ya'll want respect, but don't know how or won't give it...
Like Hindsight said, it's one thing for ya'll to do something and it's a different story when we do it. A man should want his woman to stand by his side and not behind him.. He'll still be head of the house.
Chiming in for a second...
Focus you bangin kinda hard on women, men want the last word too, but the last word has to be what they say it is. It seems to me that men have a problem agreeing to disagree. And then the button pushing happens and the argument escalates.
Once again it all comes down to communication and respect. Men have to respect that we are not literal extensions of their thoughts, we have opinions and are entitled to them. A lot would be solved if we could all agree to disagree.
Ha! @Nose we were on the same page weren't we "agree to disagree"
I disagree that I agree how about that? LOL @t-mac..
It's funny how quick men are to quote the Bible about mean being the head of the household, but they always fail to mention the parts about what is consisted in being the head.That's just like these young Muslims doing everything that goes against their beliefs, but eating pork. Hahahaha. Do you think Adam was suppose to disregard what Eve said because he didn't agree.
How are we suppose to be a partner when our opinion never counts for anything? We don't just walk away from ya'll when we don't want to hear it because ya'll would feel sooo disrespected. Who wants to feel like they're nothing... without opinions you are nothing... We now have a Black President, when will women have a right to her own perspective. Why do we always have to be crazy, dumb and starting trouble because we don't believe ya'll lies? If we question ya'll we tripping, but we better have an answer when it's ya'll doing the questiong. We tripping and ya'll don't care because the next woman is waiting in line to do the things she don't do. So naw, ya'll don't care until that Special one hurts that azz...
Yeah T-Mac, you feel me even if he doesn't... Hahahaha Woman Power,,LOL
here's what I think if a man doesn't like what your saying and your in a relationship with you....you are a reflection of him, maybe he doesn't like what staring back at him
Hahahaha,, Good one hindsight..
LOL!
You disagree with my statement that men can't "agree to disagree" at which point I state, you are the ONLY man on here, so are you speaking for ALL of ya'll, cause we are telling you, that men, as a rule, canNOT "agree to disagree" ... its their way or the highway.
For me, I don't have to have the last word, but I also do not have to agree with what a cat has to say, but he can have the last word and I can keep it moving with my beliefs. The problem focused is that dudes DEMAND you agree with them.
Hahahaha, so true T Mac
@hindsight - maybe he is just being pig-headed and wants to have his way. Or maybe he feels that society makes him conform so much that he demands that YOU do. (okay so we all can tell what kind of relationship I had last) But my point is sometimes its not the content of the argument, its just the win.
Our Black men are beat up so much on the day to day, pride wise, etc, that they just want to win one and sometimes we just go about busting their chops on something that we can just let go.
If he really wants chicken and I really want a salad, bump the compromise, we eat chicken. Sometimes, our men just want a win. Let's give it to them... and chill (not shut up Focus)
Are you ladies the cast of "Waiting to exhale?" This is sounding like a bad Lifetime channel episode of "Attack the Man" LOL!! But Okay you can have the last word and I can Agree to disagree with women and it's our fault most of the time for bad relationships, and we want to make ya'll Agree with us Wait let me change that WE DEMAND ya'll agree with us and we Make Ya'll curse and ummmmmmm we give ya'll Gas and ummmm We ain't nothing but Dogs and ummmmmm can ya'll help me I'm almost absolutely sure you have more Put downs for me Come on Now Ya'll got them can ya'll share? pppppleeeeease I know You got more to say it's in your Nature.
why we can't just have Chicken Salad????
Unnecessary Focused... but here...
I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Black Men. I LOVE their swagger, their talents, their strengths, the way their strong presence compliments the softness of my feminity. I Love our Black Men.
They are the strength in which are children are created and it is through our union that our children are raised to be strong INDEPENDENT minded women and men.
You asked for our thoughts... so here they are... don't be mad that we are being honest. We still love ya'll.
Just let him have the "BIG PIECE OF CHICKEN" (Chris Rock)
See TMac,, Im going to have to disagree with you on that. I think we are always talking about we feel sorry for them so lets cut them some slack while they are dogging the crap out of us. This is why so many friends, mother/daughters, sisters and cousins are sleeping with each others men because one is always feeling sorry for him.
We are not arguing for No reason. Who is taking pitty on us? We go out of out way to please our men (do things we won't do for anyone else) and at the end of the day when we need them, they only help if they can.. We so worried about the next woman getting him that we'll do anything, including putting up with his crap, to try to keep him happy.
Yeah, we all have some kind of bad breaks in life, both male and females. Black men have it good, they are dating all races so their choices are unlimited. We have No problem with supporting them. No, I'm sorry hommie, but in my opinion,, I would have to disagree with you on that one. I have No pitty for them
OOOO let's just alllll shut up about it, I'm over this LOLOL
@t-mac somewhere in your speech I heard "Free at last!" "Free at last!" thank God almighty we "Free at last"
@hindsight you know how to shut up? OH lord a woman that KNows when to Hush her mouf???? hahahaha!! I know that pain is coming my way...
OOOO NOW WAIT A MINUTE FOCUS!!!!! I think you need to refocus...how bout a good intelligent man is one that knows when to hold his tongue and knows how to communicate..I think I might have to send you to back to class.....Or better yet UpGrade you
HOw bout this one as well the bible says the ways of a fool seem right in his own eyes.
hahahaha!! Okay I quit!!! But getting some of ya'll alittle pissed off has made my day...
Well I guess we have came at this topic from everyway possible so what's the next Focus??
I feel you... but the reality is we don't walk in their shoes and we don't know what it feels like to have society try to emasculate us at every turn, even if it is not overtly.
As black women, we have our own struggles that they aren't intune enough to understand as well.
But at the end of the day, I am not talking about the big things, I have friends that will fuss at their man endlessly over putting the toilet paper on the thingy wrong. And, yes, it is really about the toilet paper, not some underlying issue... the next thing you know, he's a stupid MF or something... come on if he prefers the roll over and she prefers it under, then just let him have it over.
As black women, we are trying to flex so hard sometimes, I think we choose to fight all battles like wars. Its all really not that serious, for the most part.
I feel you Nose, but as long as I am a black woman I will have to let my black men have "the big piece of chicken" LOL (that is just the most appropriate thing ever for this segment).
WAIT!!! ummm Is there a wrong way to put toilet paper on the roll?
Depends on who you ask... at my house it goes over... my uncle's house under... I won't fuss at you at my crib though... but I will change it when I go in.
Now don't get me wrong T Mac,,, my man gets the Big Piece of Chicken too. However, ain't it our struggles that makes us stronger. We black women do because we know that we don't have a choice. Most of the time we have to be Queens of our throwns.. We have to hold it down when our Man can't. If men don't face adversy, they would be weak. So yeah society has a harsh look upon our Black men, but they should rise above it and not fall victim to it. We have allot of Labels placed upon us too. Where's our mercy??
It may appear that they are arguing about tissue, but constant abuse over extended amount of time can sometimes make you take lil things out of perspective. And maybe yelling about the tissue is the only way she can get her frustration out. What about all the men beating their women, virbrally abusing them and Not offering any kind of compassion or sympathy for his woman..
Come on Boo, take it easy and I'll take care of the kids or take you out or send you to a spa for the day.. Do that and then he'll never have to hear my mouth..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7VVQC1kglU
Followed by
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r4VN8M3ypyg&feature=related
Big piece of chicken - Chris Rock
On my ending note of the day.
Eh, I feel you. I think my point is to not mix the big issues with the little issues.
Communication
Respect
Love
Adversity can happen outside of the house, inside of the house, lets team up and work together and move mountains. The world may kick at our men, but we can't. That's my only point...
I so appreciate this blog and hearing from all ya'll. I hope you have a blessed weekend with your loved ones. Hold them close, love them well, and cherish the time.
You do the same T Mac. I feel you, I don't want a man that I have to beat up either. I want to lift my man up so we can escalate to higher levels.
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